It would be an absolute lie if I do not admit that I still tear up in the thought of people thinking less of me. I am vulnerable but for the first time I am strong enough to accept that I am proud to embrace that vulnerability.
Did you ever wonder, how would it be if you weren’t you, if you was someone else what would you think of yourself. Did you ever put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What would you do if… This is what I am going to discover, this is what I am going to find out.
I have been postponing my calling for some time, but I can’t wait anymore, I cannot postpone this anymore. It needs to get out there, my voice needs to reach people. I want to teach them what to avoid, how to stop the voices in their head, how to live in the reality that they build, how to take responsibility of their actions.
The right moment is now.
And while she was standing there counting the “ifs” she saw this shadow moving never bothered to turn her head still thinking the ifs of this stupid interview.
Tiring so tiring she was thinking chasing those dreams of hers those setup goals. In the meantime the train came. Same streets same stations same train with the blue graffiti “It’s all about possibilities” logo written from another cynic creature. This is life she thought, searched for the ticket in her pocket, and started rolling the ticket just like she used to roll her cigarettes.
You remember those days when you walked back from school and you thought that your life is so long and that the years pass so slow, when lunch is all you worry. That wasn’t the case anymore the years passed.
That does not really matter though because time is an illusion anyways. You know I am going back through pictures of the past and all I see is confusion. Well I am not confused anymore but the whole world is now.
I remember these first years in college I always felt running against the crowd and it was so tiring, not anymore. Not anymore, now I feel more like floating in the air above everyone observing them running back and forth and round and round. Funny our world, isn’t it?
I have been always looking for inspiration in the past I bet I could have been an excellent historian or maybe not. I just feel that the memories of the past are just like a good scotch. Resting in those boxes all these memories the older the better the testier the happier they make me all these memories. I have no words to explain the today and how can I dare to talk about tomorrow, I am an old processor. I need some time for the memories to form their boxes and really believe that they worth my time to be mentioned.
There is nothing untouched left, nothing unrevealed, untraveled or unheard of. And if it is it doesn’t interest me anymore because all I really wanted has been already destroyed and unpurified or maybe not.
I have been wondering lately if there is anything I can offer to this humanity as an individual. It is hard to accept the fact that some of us do not understand yet that humanity has reached a dead end.
Is this end where we either rebuild ourselves from scratch or where we keep pushing the limits until this ticking bomb explodes?
It is hard for me to accept that there is nothing that can be changed; people walking in the same direction without questioning, without reconsidering, without using their hearts to make decisions or create. This is who we are or this is what we have become. Heartless, emotionless, careless entities, looking for ways to achive our goals, our pointless goals, Ticking the boxes in the blueprint of our ancestors.
I am not perfect, no one is anyways. But think, or better feel, what is happening around you. The person next to you is you. Keep your eyes open, observe humans around you, try to help the ones that are still sleeping. Try to take your own steps, not the ones that our ancestors have already taken, to no avail. Do not learn from history, make your own. Do not repeat the mistakes of history, make your own.
If you decide that you do not need to be saved by anyone else, you do not need a partner to save you, you do not need a job to define you, you do not need status to make you feel stronger. The strength rests within you and the moment you will decide to wake it up, in that same moment, you can achieve anything. You and your happiness will co-exist.
Let the past go, that is the only way that you can achieve absolute freedom. Do not build your new self from your old weak self. Become stronger everyday, without comparing your past self to your new self.